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In the last month or so, nearly every business magazine that arrives in my virtual and physical mailboxes has featured articles related to burnout, overwhelm and the blurring of boundaries as a byproduct of managing through the COVID-19 pandemic.  While many of us may have been working long hours before in-person work and gatherings ground to a halt in March of 2020, the pandemic has somehow exacerbated the inability to create a balance between our work and personal life.  This is especially true for people working at home without the benefit of a dedicated office there.

Certainly, there has been a need for many to step up and help during the past year.  Increased meetings to manage the work, a need for flextime so parents can help their children attend school remotely and the need for agility and change organizations need to survive the economic downtown have often resulted in work that starts early and ends late.  The increase in meetings results in expanded collaboration.  While this may not seem like a bad thing at first blush, new research suggests that we may not be collaborating effectively, or the frameworks for who is involved in these collaborations are insufficient.  Within some of my client organizations, people who are seen as good thought partners are invited to participate in many more meetings whether they really should be there or not.  The adage, “if you need something done, ask a busy person,” is not a particularly healthy approach.  

When someone asks us to participate in creating strategy, evaluating a new initiative, or helping to reach a decision, it’s hard to say no.  Most of us want to be helpful, provide input and let’s be honest, we’re often flattered to be asked, particularly if it’s the CEO or another senior leader doing the asking.  Feelings of overwhelm and eventually burnout, are the result of failing to vet these requests appropriately.  What needs to come off your plate if you agree to the request?  How aligned is the project or initiative with the work you are tasked to accomplish this quarter?  Have you asked the clarifying questions critical to determining what the time commitment and timeline are to complete whatever you’ve been asked to do?  How will your participation impact your own professional path and development?  It’s easy to be attracted to working on a project or initiative that is more interesting than some of the more mundane aspects of our role.  At the same time, can you really take on the “shiny object” and complete your regular work at the same time?  Conversely, are you being asked to participate in work that doesn’t interest you or give you a chance to leverage your skills and talents?

One of the most effective things you can do is determine in advance how you will respond to requests.  Creating a methodology for how you will evaluate whether you can say yes to the ask is an important first step.  I have often advised clients to have a check-list of questions handy so that you are gathering the critical information you need to make the decision to say yes or no.  Do you need to buy yourself some time to come up with clarifying questions?  If so, share that you’d like to think about the request and circle back to them in a day so you can have time to think about it.  If you know your plate is pretty full to begin with, determine what you would like to remove, delegate or delay in order to say yes.  What impact will saying “yes” have on your team?  You may not feel overworked managing the request, but if your team becomes overwhelmed, you risk other challenges down the road.  

If you either don’t have the time or the right skill set to contribute to the request, it will be important to decline.  But, you will need to do this in a way that doesn’t close the door to future opportunities, or give the impression that you just don’t want to help.  These phrases can be effective in managing the decline to avoid any negative repercussions:

“Thank you for asking me, however I would want to make a strong contribution, and I don’t think I can do that right now because I simply have too much work right now with many competing deadlines that cannot be changed.”

“While I would like to help, I am not sure given my background and experience, that I’m the best person for this assignment.  Have your thought about asking _____________?”

If it’s clear that saying no isn’t an option, you will have to determine how to manage the request without completely violating your boundaries.  If there are non-work activities that are underway and would present a challenge, what do you need to do to address that? If you have a lot of deadlines or other projects underway, how can you assertively adjust some of those?  Can you use phrases such as:

“If I need to be involved in this project, __________________will need to be postponed until my work concludes on it.”

“I’m challenged to figure out what can be put on hold so I can help with ___________.  Do you have some thoughts on this?  I would appreciate hearing your thoughts.”

If it’s your boss or a member of the C-Suite who’s making the request, you may need to use some negotiating skills and strategies to determine what won’t be able to get done if you say yes.  I’ve had clients say yes to these requests immediately because of the title of the person making them, which is not always the best vetting approach.  

In some cases, you might need to engage your boss in a discussion to re-prioritize your workload.  First, determine what you think can be delayed, removed, or delegated.  Test your theory with the person who made the request.  Responses such as these can be useful:

“What is the deadline for completion of ____________?  How much of a time commitment is involved?”

“I would enjoy the opportunity to work on ____________. However, I have a lot of my plate right now.  I am thinking delaying the completion deadline for ___________ or _____________ might enable me to help with _______________.  How does that align with your thinking?”

“I could probably help with ________________, but it might involve bringing in a temp or consultant to handle (list some of your regular responsibilities) so I can take this on.  What are your thoughts about my doing that?”

Hopefully, these phrases provide you with some ideas that you can use, modify or change totally to make them your own.  The trick is to think about how you might handle different types of requests in advance of receiving them.  And, it’s helpful to reflect and identify what makes it hard for you, as an individual, to say no.  Is it that you don’t want to disappoint someone?  Avoid showing up as a “slacker”? Feel like you might miss out on something more exciting than your regular day-to-day responsibilities?  Becoming more self-aware of what drives your feelings can support the resolve you need to commit to the decision to say no.  It might also help you to frame how you manage the decline.

If you are a CEO or senior leader, you might want to think more strategically about who and how you ask someone to take on a discrete task, project, or initiative.  Are you always tapping the shoulder of the busiest person?  Are you asking a few questions to determine if the person has the time or bandwidth to comply with your request?  If leaders, teams, and colleagues are more thoughtful about what’s really required to get something done, it creates a much more workable solution.  Moreover, it can play an important role in helping to mitigate employee overwork, overwhelm and burnout, which can only serve to improve the overall culture within an organization.